I’m The Smartest Person.

Twitter taught me this.

I will let you in on my secret. But that doesn’t mean you’ll be smartest. I’m smartest.

Anytime someone intelligent—be it David French or Elizabeth Bruenig—tweets anything, simply respond flippantly and bask in the ❤️s.

But wait. That’s not all.

Be sure you interpret their tweet as representing the entirety of their thinking. Take great care not to familiarize yourself with any of their work. Especially if there’s an article attached. Please don’t read that.

If you follow this strategy, you will learn to block out the haters. You will discover that other people, no matter their education, experience, or raw intelligence, are stupid. They are dumb and stupid. They will never know as much as you, because you read the Wikipedia article on taxes in the United States. Of course you know more than George Will.

This is the end of my article about please abolish Twitter forever

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