Day 2: Cabela’s Is Having A Big Sale On This Cot

Here it is.

Normally $80, today only $50! I picked one up for my move this week.

I normally sleep on the floor. When I was discerning the priesthood, I met a powerlifting Jesuit named Brother Pat Douglas. He slept on the floor for a variety of reasons.

1: When Brother Pat was just Pat, he told a professor he was thinking of becoming a Jesuit. Said professor scoffed, essentially telling Pat the Jesuits were softies, that he should join a real religious order. Like the Benedictines! They sleep on the floor! Very devoted. The Jesuits don’t do that, do they?

Pat⁠—not yet Brother⁠—resolved to show that professor the Jesuits were just as hardcore as anyone else.

2: He needs space for his weight training equipment. Not joking. The dude is like 5’5″ and jacked to the moon. He looks like he just got out of prison, which likely helps with his prison ministry. I must say, though, that the minute he smiles or speaks, you realize he is the nicest guy on the planet and are no longer afraid. Well, maybe a little.

3: As a Jesuit, you can be enjoying yourself in Chicago and get shipped off to Burundi at a moment’s notice. You need to be adaptable. If you sleep in a comfy bed in Chiraq, you might have a rough night or two in your brand-new pile of straw in Ngozi. But if you sleep on the floor⁠—well, the floor’s the floor. It’s the same in Grise Fiord as it is in Jakarta.

Since I wanted to be a Jesuit, I figured these reasons were enough to start sleeping on the floor. I gave away my bed, put down a blanket, and fell asleep, that night and every night after that.

Sadly, the place to which I am moving is a basement. As you may presently yourself fully be aware of, basements tend to have bugs. Which means if I slept on the floor, I’d be eating a centipede or two every month. Yes, I eat bugs, but only when they’re dead, and only when I know I’m eating them. I’d prefer not to wake up with hundreds of legs squirming in my oral cavity, thankyouverymuch.

So I got this cot. It is portable, not expensive, and has nice pockets for knickknacks, trinkets, tchotchkesuh, stuff. I’m excited to have a place to sleep, far from creepy-crawlies.

But not too far. I might get hungry.

Leave a Reply